My 8-month-old lovebird, Razzle, is a cute, funny and happy little bird who brings me much joy. When I first brought him home from the breeder he was extremely cuddly. He would nestle in my palm or against my chest and soak up the scritches for as long as I would give them. I loved it!

After about two weeks, he suddenly decided he no longer wanted to be touched. Six months later, he continues to step up well, rides around on my finger or shoulder, and loves being with me, but I still cannot touch him. I love him for all of his other wonderful qualities but I really miss being able to stroke his velvety feathers. Is there any way to encourage him to allow touching again or is this part of our relationship gone forever? Here is a photo of Razzle. He is truly beautiful!

-- Judi, New Hampshire

RAZZLE'S BEHAVIOR has "lovebird" written all over it. Why did he suddenly give you the cold shoulder? Judging from what you've told me, there may be several reasons. The first is simply part of growing up - "cutting the apron strings." Remember when your (or any) darling human baby just loved being cuddled? It wasn't too many years before he or she grimaced when aunties planted lipstick on a cheek. By the time kids are teenagers they won't stand next to their parents at the mall. Breaking the bond is behavior typical of humans - and elephants, whales, parrots and other K-strategist species, which live in close family groups for a long time but which for the sake of the gene pool must not reproduce with relatives.

Razzle might be reacting to an accident or incidental behavior that was accidentally reinforced. Maybe somebody sneezed just as he was falling asleep during petting. Perhaps he was growing in a sensitive new feather that was accidentally bumped, or fell on a new tail feather and bruised his rump. Even after he felt better he remembered the experience and now avoids any situation that might lead to a repeat, including touches from you.

You sound like a sensitive person who is willing to let Razzle express his preferences. That's fine as long as you're not allowing Razzle to bite you. Biting can be habitual, and repeating a habit makes it stronger and more difficult to break. On the other hand, you also sound like a very focused person determined to achieve a goal, namely to "pet the baby again". While focus and determination are excellent life skills, insisting on intimacy with a discriminating individual might be a setup for sorrow - something like hoping that if you just ask him often enough, Brad Pitt will stop by for a back rub.

In either case, backing off is the answer. Instead of focusing on the outcome, try focusing on the pleasure of process. Don't forget that while Razzle may be just a little bird, he has a strong will and benefits from feeling a sense of control over his life. Letting him choose is good for him. Your situation is not a bad thing, just a challenge, like getting a kid to put his shoes away.

You want to make cooperating more fun for Razzle than not cooperating. Here's how you do it. First, understand that every reaction Razzle has toward you is a response to something you do. If you always approach him in the same way and his response clearly says, "Don't do that!", then that is a perfect time to sit down and design a few new approaches. Different approaches will stimulate different responses.

Here's one strategy that might, if done sweetly and sensitively, entice Razzle to cuddle a little. After placing Razzle on the floor, sit down cross-legged in the middle of the room and throw a thick, puffy comforter over your head. Try to adjust the blanket so that just your eyes are exposed. Then take some inexpensive playing cards and start shuffling and playing with them under the blanket. Have the comforter spread out all around you so that Razzle has to jump up on it to investigate. Remember, while you interact with Razzle in this game, everything but your eyes is underneath the comforter and Razzle is on top of it.

It shouldn't take more than a few minutes for a curious, exploratory little lovebird to try to find you inside the comforter. Once he climbs on top of it, place your hands palm up beneath the comforter about a foot on either side of Razzle. Then slowly and gently bring your palms together as though trying to clap and create a giant padded "pocket" with Razzle in the fold. You can say, "Squeeze him until he squeaks" or "Let's hug the little bird." Then open your hands again and shower Razzle with words of affection, telling him how beautiful he is.

Most birds are suckers for adoration. If Razzle is usually attentive when you praise him, he should be enchanted with this exercise. Further reward Razzle by hiding little treats, such as pieces of shelled sunflower seeds, in the folds of the comforter. Once he recognizes the innately pleasurable sensation of crawling around in the soft folds (something most cavity-dwelling lovebirds enjoy), the experience itself can become the reward. Senegals and cockatoo youngsters also love this game, which can be further combined with a "where's the bird?" searching game and peek-a-boos.

Once Razzle learns to love the game, then you may proceed to interact with him by gently touching him through the comforter. When you're through playing be sure to put the comforter away and not leave it lying on the floor where Razzle could crawl into it unsupervised and smother or get stepped on.

Setting and achieving ambitious goals is how we move ahead in life, but where little birds like Razzle are concerned, aiming for smaller, easier-to-achieve goals first is a good idea. Don't let Razzle repeat unwanted behavior. And don't be afraid to go too slowly. Don't try to snuggle him until you're getting a big time come-on.

ParrotChronicles.com

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