Three months ago I brought home a beautiful 4-year-old umbrella cockatoo. The first week or so, Sugar was so sweet. She would come out on my hand and cuddle with me on the couch. Then, overnight, she would not let me touch her. I must have done something that scared her but I can't guess what it was. When I approach her cage she will head for the bottom, screaming like I'm going to hurt her. She won't take food from my hand or let me touch her. If I let her out on her own, I have to towel her to get her back in the cage and that just makes things worse. When I let my other birds out, she will hang on the side of the cage like she wants out, too, but if I try to handle her the screaming and biting begin again. She's drawn blood a number of times. She sometimes calls when I'm out of the room. If I call to her she quiets down. She's not a screamer like many 'toos. I really love this beautiful bird and want us to be friends again. In her last home she was an only bird and mostly handled by a man.

-- Sara Washburn

WHILE THE bird in our first question has developed an avoidance behavior, Sugar is way beyond that. She's having what I call a sudden-onset-specific - "SOS" - phobic reaction, and my guess is that Sugar is just as confused as you are. When you are out of sight, she seems to take comfort in your voice, but when you reappear, she is terrified. This suggests that whatever happened to make Sugar afraid occurred when she could see you.

One possible reason Sugar flees when approached is that you inadvertently frightened her when removing her from the cage. While requiring a bird to come out of the cage on a hand is good practice if it works, there may be times when it doesn't work, and if something doesn't work, don't do it - no interaction at all is better than an unsuccessful one. Beware anyone who tells you a parrot should always come out of the cage on a hand. Any time the words "should" and "always" appear together, especially in the soft science of parrot behavior management, a red flag should go up. I like to joke that the only parrot behavior advice that is cast in stone is, "Never laugh when your bird bites your spouse." Beyond that, about the only "should always" statement that is 100 percent accurate is that we should always be kind to the bird and sensitive to the situation.

If a bird that does not want to come out of the cage is chased around inside, it can develop a reaction like Sugar's. If repeated chasing reinforces this fear, the reaction can develop into a full-blown phobia. Or, something entirely different and less invasive could have triggered Sugar's fear. Whatever might have happened, we know that in order to change a response, we have to change the stimulus. So if Sugar is terrified every time she sees you, we have to start by changing you.

First of all, give the bird lots of space. If that means moving the cage to a corner and passing no closer to it than within a dozen feet, then that is what you must do for a while. Try raising the cage a little so Sugar can look down at you. Her cage must feel safe to her in every way, including easy-to-grip perches and partial covering if necessary.

Be careful how you look at Sugar when she's feeling nervous. Since predators, including humans, have eyes situated on the front of the face (unlike prey species' eyes, which are on the sides of the head), sometimes something as simple as looking straight at a bird can cause it to suddenly perceive you as a predator. Once convinced you're dangerous, the bird may begin regarding the mere sight of your face, or your hands or another part of your body as something to be feared. This is a biological response from a part of the brain called the amygdala, the same place that post-traumatic stress syndrome is triggered in humans. Once the pathway to this response is triggered, the bird may have little or no control over it.

To change Sugar's mind about you, try changing your appearance and how you approach her. If you wear glasses, try a pair with a different frame. If you usually wear very feminine attire, try something more unisex or masculine. Adopt a non-threatening posture. Everything about you should be passive. For instance, when you do approach the cage, don't walk straight up it; zig zag across the room. Instead of looking at Sugar straight on with both eyes, shyly look at her first with one eye and then the other.

Never stand over the bird; if you want to interact with her, sit on the floor. You might begin with your back to the cage while you read aloud, play solitaire, or do a jigsaw puzzle, maybe even wearing a blanket over your head so that it covers your body. This is also the perfect place to try the passive games I recommend for interacting with nervous birds, starting with eye games like "blink" and "peek-a-boo" at a distance and progressing to posturing games like "I can be a statue" or "I can be lower than you." (For more about these games see pages 9-13 in my book, Guide to a Well-Behaved Parrot.)

Try laughing more (unless, of course, it scares the bird). Laugh from across the room or just outside it. The laughter of a bird's favorite human is one of the strongest reinforcers of positive companion parrot behavior. When all the other members of the flock seem at ease, the bird will be, too. Another trust-building technique is to take a nap in the room with the bird's cage door open.

If Sugar becomes frightened outside the cage, don't chase her or towel her; just leave the room and the cage door open. She should be able to find her way back to the cage on her own, which by itself can make her feel successful and contribute to a sense of safety. If you must "herd" her back to the cage, completely cover yourself with a blanket and carry a large beach towel or quilt. In a slow, nonthreatening way, stand between her and her escape route and she will choose to go in the direction of her cage.

When a bird suddenly becomes afraid of one person, it can take a very long time to overcome, and it must be done at the bird's pace. Any behavior is difficult to change in the same environment it developed in, with the same person that triggered it. Think of it as a little like coming home and finding your husband liplocked with the next-door neighbor. There may be a perfectly logical explanation for it - let's say he thought he was having a heart attack and needed CPR - but it's gonna take some time and no-missteps on his part from this moment forward to convince you he's innocent.

Sugar, too, has to learn how to trust again. Back waaaaaaaaaay off. Don't push. Give Sugar choices and let her choose to come to you.

ParrotChronicles.com

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