Most recently reader Bob White sent us this e-mail: “I was curious about a parrot's role in nature. Some animals are predators; some are seed dispersers. What is the parrot's ecological niche?”

Good question, Bob! The answers are yes, parrots were once predators; yes, parrots are seed dispersers; and yes, parrots fill a niche. How big a niche depends on the size of the bird. Parakeets, for instance, can fall between the sofa cushions if you’re not careful. Macaws take up an entire shoulder. Birds spend several hours a day scratching their niches, so yes, parrots play a very important role in our world.

First, some scientific background. According to world-renowned animal expert Dr. Snidewood Tripod, the genus psittacosis tantrumus rexi (literally, three impressive Latin-sounding words) encompasses all species of parrot, including those now extinct and those not yet living.

Most scientists believe that psittacosis tantrumus rexi evolved from dinosaurs. However, new findings suggest that parrots were a separate species that was actually responsible for killing off the dinosaurs. In fact, parrots once were predators as large and as fearsome as the T-Rex. The squawks of a 25-foot-tall carnivorous species known as T-Bird could be heard up to 100 miles away.

T-Bird lived during the Psitasic era, when parrots preyed upon shipwrecked sailors and escaped convicts as depicted in The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad and Mysterious Island, respectively. Some experts have mistakenly identified the birds in Ray Harryhausen films as giant chickens, but what, exactly, is a Roc, after all? Come on, the two-headed bird that flies off with Sinbad in its talons has a hooked beak! Actually, two hooked beaks.

Admittedly, the giant avian of Mysterious Island, a freakishly plump bird that winds up as the biggest Thanksgiving dinner ever enjoyed by castaways, does resemble a radiated pullet. Still, it’s difficult to ignore the ramifications of such large fauna. Where there existed giant chickens there most likely roamed colossal conures as well, and this was only 150 years ago!

As megafauna became extinct, the parrot emerged in the form of much smaller species that man could tame and keep as pets. In fact, archeological remains have revealed that parrots played a vital role in every civilization known.

The first pet parrots probably wandered into early camps attracted by the scent of Nutri-berries. In time bird and human came to trust one another and, contrary to the history books, parrots became man’s first best friend, riding everywhere on his shoulder and sounding the alarm when saber-toothed tigers approached. Many a Cro-Magnon spent a winter evening gazing into the communal campfire while stroking the head of his faithful cockatiel.

The ancient Egyptians believed parrots were gods; when the birds died they were preserved and entombed in the pyramids along with everything they would need for the afterlife, including Zupreem and Happy Huts.

Before the sacred cow, Hindus revered the sacred cockatoo. The fluffy white birds were allowed to roam the streets, often blocking foot traffic, and perch on whomever they chose. The cockatoo’s twice-daily screechings signaled morning and evening prayers.

Parrots have always dominated architecture. Ruins from the pre-neonotredamus period feature colored murals of parrots on each wall of public buildings and in many private residences. In the ancient tropics that came to be known as Antarctica, furnishings and buildings designed for human use were secondary to large multi-branched objects usually located in the center of each area. Carved gutter-like channels leading to outdoor waste water drains were common beneath these large branched objects.

While we could delve further into scientific classifications I think we’d be better off looking at our personal relationships with our parrots. The personal is the political, as the feminists used to say, and I think that applies here.

Today, the parrot is nature's instructor. Just as parrots teach their young what is good to eat and how to identify predators, parrots teach humans how to scritch and provide treats.

Parrots are environmentalists. Long before Al Gore made An Inconvenient Truth, parrots were enriching the forest floors and our carpets with half-eaten food to encourage the lush growth of ozone-enhancing foliage. In those instances where no carpet is available, a parrot will chew baseboards in order to admit outside moisture to facilitate growth. Thanks to the parrot’s important role in scattering seeds, I personally have witnessed new species of plants sprouting in my shag carpet.

Parrots excel in economics. After learning our primitive system of supply and demand, parrots created an industry for toys, treats, play stands, cages, cage covers, key chains and more. Consider for a moment an America without the cottage industries of bird toy making or monogrammed hand sewn cage covers. Yes, it does make you shudder. Even Alan Greenspan refused to discuss any possibility of a world without parrots’ economic contributions.

Finally, we cannot discuss parrots’ place in the universe without addressing the spiritual aspect. At one time, as noted above, parrots were worshipped by most cultures, and this worship continues in some of the more remote areas of the world.

Unfortunately, the civilized world has largely forgotten the rich contributions of parrots. Small groups of people, known as "bird clubs," soldier on in an attempt to educate the public. But they only meet monthly, and infighting over the annual bird mart threatens their existence.

If only we could hear the long-ago screeches of the terrible T-Bird as it bore down upon the peaceful brontosaurus, in another time and place. Then perhaps we would know the parrot in its fullness, as predator, as seed disperser, as an influencer of architecture and economics, and, finally, as deity to the innocents, including us.

To summarize, I hope this column has helped you, Bob, and I hope that we continue to hear from ParrotChronicles.com readers. Remember, there are no stupid questions, only completely irrelevant answers.

Humor writer Marguerite Floyd is a hospital documentation manager but her real job is slave to two cockatiels and a brown-headed parrot.