Birds don't vote but may have strong political opinions, like Sammy, a patriotic cockatoo (photo courtesy of Avian Fashions).

I long ago accepted that my parrots are a lot smarter than I am, and I go to them with all my important decisions for their opinion. After all, they're descended from dinosaurs and I'm not about to argue with a dinosaur. But there's no consensus in my house about this election. Should I stay the course? Should I cast my vote for a new leader? Or should I throw caution to the wind and go independent?

My parrots stay at home all day and watch television, so they're far more informed about the issues and candidates than I am. After all, they read the latest news in the papers I put in their cages, and someone is running up my phone bill. I have to assume they've thoroughly debated every aspect of each candidate.

In an effort to reach a balanced and fair decision, I polled the parrots who live in my home. I admit I had to guess at their answers because they're too spoiled to speak in English.

Charli, my African brownhead, is the resident cynic who won't vote, I'm afraid. She watches the evening news and becomes so frustrated that she gnaws on her cage bars. Whenever it's time for a group activity, like sitting on the couch, she chases away the cockatiels so that she can be alone. I thought that might make her an independent, but whenever Nader is mentioned, she just tucks her head in her wing and closes her eyes.

Flash, my younger grey cockatiel, loves Ralph Nader. Flash is always investigating new territories of the house, testing product safety with each footstep. If he comes across an item that does not meet his expectations, he immediately hisses at it. If the object still does not perform to his satisfaction, he bites it. I'm pretty sure Nader receives a detailed report of unsafe conditions from my house every week, and I'll be in big trouble if he wins.

Sugar Franklin, my lutino cockatiel, is a Republican. She favors rescinding all taxes for companies that make bird toys and seed treats so there will always be plenty for her. In certain lights, when she's finally preened all of her feathers just so, she actually resembles Laura Bush's coiffure. Sugar long ago found the weapons of mass destruction - her beak and feather dust - and she regularly wields them to keep me in line. However, this being Sugar’s second presidential election, I suspect she's become jaded in the ways of politics. She prefers to just stay the course and trust Bush to fight off any errant terrorists who might interrupt her beauty naps.

My other grey cockatiel, Nicholas, is the Democrat of the house. He favors reproductive choice, especially if it involves him choosing to reproduce with Sugar Franklin, and he has never met a tree he didn’t want to chew, if not exactly embrace. The environment, especially air quality, is important to him - no kitchen fumes, please.

Nicholas grins like John Kerry, though I've never told him that to his face, and he owns several Purple Hearts for bravery at the veterinarian’s. Occasionally he lets loose with a piece of his mind, like the Missus Kerry, and I suspect he speaks several languages, too, although so far I have trouble understanding most of them. Nicholas is a rescue bird, who is, we think, about 12 years old, so it's refreshing to see him still so positive about our democratic process.

So there you have it - a house divided. I will have to walk into that polling place all alone this November and cast my one vote, which will be in direct opposition to at least two of my parrots.

I hope you vote, too, though it's been proven that voting encourages politicians to engage in politics. But that's a small price to pay for the freedom our parrots expect us to provide. But check with your parrots before you cast your ballot, even if they are too smart to run for office.

Marguerite Floyd is a hospital documentation manager, but considers her real job to be servant to three cockatiels, Flash, Nicholas and Sugar Franklin, and a 3 1/2-year-old brown-headed parrot named Charli.